I can't
by Alyssa Verkee
Summary: Set during Eclipse when Jacob wants to kiss Bella. What if she doesn't?


**This is in Eclipse, right before Bella says that she wants Jacob to kiss her. What happens if she really _doesn't_ love Jacob?**

Jake was saying so many words, but all I could focus on was the meaning: He wanted me to kiss him. It was all a charade, the running away, the killing himself. It was an act, almost a mockery of Edward's past behaviors. Jacob was pretty sure that I loved him like I loved Edward, but there was no way. I had never felt anything close to what I felt when Edward was around.

Jacob was like a break in the clouds, letting a few beams of light in. Edward was like a clear blue sky, and even that analogy was not quite strong enough. Nothing could be compared or contrasted to the degree of love shared between Edward and I. Jacob thought he fit in the mix, he was wrong.

Jake had once told me he compared his love to me to Romeo and Juliet, that strong. He couldn't possibly know. He's 'in love' with a girl who does not love him, and he's far too mentally young. I had two years on him, and my maturity level far surpassed his as well. I couldn't compare my love to Edward with Romeo and Juliet. Their love wasn't strong enough.

"Bella," Jacob said, coming close enough for me to begin to feel his scorching body heat. "Talk to me," he whispered.

"I..." I trailed off. This was going to hurt. I loved him, but not nearly enough to risk my relationship with Edward. He simply wanted to protect me. He was jealous at the possibility of losing me to Jacob, and I not once told him how I felt. He wanted to hold onto me, enjoy the time he had left. He had forever, and if I would've told him, I would feel so much better about myself.

No one knew that I wanted Edward, I had never spoken of it. "You what, Bella?" Jacob's eyes lit as he thought of the possible outcomes.

"I-I can't kiss you, Jacob," I nearly whispered. I watched his heart break in his eyes, before it was quickly replaced with fire.

"Why the hell not?" He asked. He was trembling. At anytime he could burst into a gigantic wolf and crush me.

I internally groaned. He did not understand. "Jacob," I said sternly, forcing him to look straight in my eyes. "You know that I love Edward."

"What If-" he cut himself off and looked down. In another second he looked back up and said, "What if I'm better for you?"

"You aren't," I said viciously, malice laced my tone. He stared me back down and scoffed. This was enough. "You are obviously blind. You should know that I don't love you, and that I love Edward. He's in every conversation we have. Yes, we fight, but don't all couples? And when you fight, they turn to their best friends, which is you. The best friend, Jake. That's it."

"But Bella!" He whined. "Can't you _feel_ it? I feel drawn to you."

"I feel drawn to Edward," I revealed back. "Actually, I feel a literal electric current when I touch Edward. I feel the same for Charlie that I feel for you."

"Bella, I know that I could be good for you."

He didn't give up. I was not going to keep proving my point. "Maybe you could, but we aren't going to find out."

"Bella, please just give me a chance. If he wouldn't have came back, we could be together by now."

"Seriously? Did you not notice that I was literally in pieces after that happened? I never stopped thinking about him, even when I was at your house. He was on my mind every second. Just go before we both die."

"Bella, _please_ don't do this. _Please-_"

"Edward!" I half yelled. In less than thirty seconds he was by my side. Twenty-eight seconds actually.

"Yes?" he asked from behind me. I mouthed _'I love you'._ His face light up and his mouth turned into my favorite crooked smile.

"Stay, Jacob. I need to show you something." I said as I heard him start to walk away, and I turned to Edward. "Do you remember what we talked about last night?" He looked away. "Do you have it?" As soon as I spoke, his eyes shot up to mine. He seemed plenty confused.

"Wh-What did you say?" He asked.

"Do. You. Have. It?" He nodded his head and reached into his pocket. I leaned up to him and kissed him lips softly as one of his arms wrapped around my waist, the other putting the-_my_-ring on my left hand.

"Disgusting," Jacob muttered.

I broke away from Edward immediately. "You didn't have to watch. I wanted to show you this!" I yelled as I threw my left hand towards him. What I didn't realize was that Edward had tucked the fingers of his right hand through mine, so I lifted his arm as well.

"You're getting MARRIED?" Jacob yelled. "Bella! That's awful! I'd rather see you _dead._" His words stung like acid in my veins, or worse. Venom in my veins. My so-called best friend must have completely forgotten his former words. When you are in love with someone, you don't wish them death instead of happiness.

I had fallen backwards, lucky with Edward to catch me. He spoke. "You just might get your wish, Jacob." He kissed me roughly on the lips and was gone into the field in front of us. I was left with Jake.

As I looked out into the field, I saw a patch of brilliant red. I ran to stop Edward, but everyone was faster than me. Jacob caught my waist from behind me and pulled me back. Before I was turned I saw Victoria lunge for Edward. I screamed out, but saw nothing else. Jacob had trapped me in a bear hug.

I heard limbs being torn from a body and I knew what had happened. Edward was dying, and Jacob was blocking me from seeing what was happened. I heard the crackles of a fire and a feminine laugh. "Jacob! Dammit! Let me go!"

"No, Bella." I kicked and screamed, and didn't care about the brace on my arm.

"I hate you!" I yelled, still kicking. "Let me see Edward!"

I heard the feminine laugh once again. "Don't you see, Jacob? She doesn't want you." I didn't recognize the voice, but I spun myself around and saw Leah Clearwater. Jacob's arms released me and I ran to the clearing.

There was a fire I the middle, releasing purple smoke. It smelled much too strong, a thousand times of what an incense would give off. I could see no body parts in the fire, and was worried. How could I be positive it wasn't Edward? I didn't want it to be, but there was no proof.

"Bella," a raspy voice called from the forest to my left. I sprinted until I saw Edward on the ground. His left arm had been torn at the shoulder. I gasped auidibly. I saw it a few feet away and went to grab it. "NO!" he called again. "My arm could kill you Bella, it no longer is controlled by me if it's unattached."

Instead of reaching for his arm, I walked over to him and cuddled into the side with an arm. He wrapped his arm around me "Are you okay?"

"My arm was ripped off, no I'm not okay," he said while attempting a smile, but instead he grimaced in pain. I kissed him softly on the lips and tried to make him smile. He did, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm going to get up and that get that, help me walk?"

"Will I be able to help you? At all?" I asked as I helped him get up. I sort of pulled him along. He was stumbling the entire time.

He told me to stop for a second. "When we are majorly injured like this, we lose a lot of our strength as time goes on," he pause to look at me. "If someone came along now, I couldn't protect you."

Victoria was gone, so I should be safe. The rest of the Cullens and the wolves would've have taken care the newborns, wouldn't they have? And Leah must've been done already because she was taunting Jacob. No one would harm me.

As we got closer to Edward's arm, he made me stay back. It was too dangerous. He picked up his arm, licked his fingers to cover them in venom, and rubbed his open wound. The venom would attach and seal his arm back into place. His body was turned away from me to assure that I couldn't see. I didn't really _want _to see, but I was curious as well.

After he was finished, which was a few minutes later, he spoke. "Bella, I can't carry you and run. I'm not strong enough yet. We'll have to walk."

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed as hard as I could. I laid my head against chest and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Edward." He returned the hug, but with only one arm. His other arm must've been hurting still.

"Bella, you have no reason to be sorry." he said softly, and kissed the top of my head.

I quickly pulled back to look at him. He was reluctant to let me go at first, but he released his grip on me. He held out both of his hands to me, and I took his right one with my left and locked our fingers together. He had a quick glance down at his injured side, and back up to meet my eyes. I cocked my head to the side and stared at him, and he nodded his head. I gently weaved the fingers of my right hand through his left. He flinched a little, but assured me that he was fine.

After our hands had been situated, they were hanging intertwined at our sides. "How can you even look at me right now? Look at me ever?" His eyes squinted in confusion. "Edward," I said. "I've been messing around with you and Jacob. I don't understand how you can kiss me, touch me, even _look_ at me."

Edward sighed. "Bella, I appreciate every moment with you. I've told you before. Unless you wish me away, it's impossible for me to leave you. Even then, I'd still love you. Forever." He stared off into space for a moment before he lightly pulled his left arm away. "Bella, we need to get to the clearing."

**[insert clearing scene w/ Volturi here]**

Everyone had ran back to the house except Edward and I. "Alice just had a vision," he said. "Tell Charlie that you need to stay the night at our house because I was hit by a drunk driver. I broke my arm in 3 places, and Carlisle will fix it from home. " He held up a finger as I was about to speak, and I watched his eyes unfocus. "Okay, Charlie will understand."

"I love you, Edward," I said as I kissed him.

It was going to be a long night.

**It might have a few more chapters. Maybe not. Tell me whatchaa think. And read my story, "Two-tenTwenty-four-hundred."**

**The title does have a meaning, btw. Anyways, revieewwww! :D**


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